Tantra is a vast and beautiful tradition. And one I have been a part of for many years.
Tantra changed my life. It re-framed what it meant for me to be a woman, powerful and sexual at the same time.
It freed me to open to deeper states of pleasure. And to know myself like I’d never before.
And it has the potential to do the same for you.
“When the passion and desire of your physical body align with the purity of your heart’s intention, your spirit opens up to the possibility of new experiences of what are known as bliss states – to being here and now, whilst feeling connected to divinity or to all that is. ”
What is tantric sex, anyway?
Tantric sex is a way of making love that feels deeply connected, massively powerful, and filled with reverence, respect and devotion between you and your partner – or you and yourself if you practice it solo.
Tantric sex is for many a new way of being in sexual connection with another. This is because it allows you to access levels of feeling, sensation, and energy not often experienced in the sex many of us usually have.
And it can leave you feeling nourished and satisfied by sex as you open to blissful states of ecstatic pleasure.
Tantra teaches that everything is sacred, including sex. It wholeheartedly celebrates the sacredness of our sexual desires and bodies. And it brings a quality of mindful awareness to the shared expression of pleasure.
And whilst tantra has gained a reputation for promoting uninhibited sex, promiscuity could not be further from its original point – to enable full spiritual awakening via direct engagement with our sexual energy.
When was tantric sex first practiced?
Tantra emerged in India around the 6th Century. It refers to the philosophy and spiritual practices that developed at that time. About the same time that esoteric Hindu and Buddhism traditions were developing.
Neotantra is a new modern westernised variation of the ancient original teachings of Tantra. It often incorporates only a small selection of teachings from the original tradition, and those focus on sexuality.
Neotantra developed in the 1960s and over the decades has strayed farther from the roots of the authentic tantric teachings to fuse with many different new age modalities and methods
The main goal of neotantric practices is however still in keeping with focus of the ancient tradition – to offer a path toward greater consciousness and ultimately liberation and connection with the divine.
Why try tantric sex?
Pleasure potential
Those who practice tantra regularly report experiencing more powerful longer-lasting orgasms and of numerous kinds: from heart-gasms, throat-gasms and mind-gasms for women, to non-ejaculatory orgasms and multiple full-body orgasms for men.
Tantra can help you release blocks around sex, like shame and guilt. And in doing so it allows you access to greater levels of pleasurable sensation.
Connection amplified
Tantra is ultimately about connection — whether that’s with yourself or between you and a partner. Some experience states of oneness with divinity and life itself.
Sex becomes healing, empowering, and profoundly beautiful.
Experience altered states of consciousness
When the passion and desire of your physical body align with the purity of your heart’s intention, your spirit opens up to the possibility of new experiences of what are known as bliss states – to being here and now, whilst feeling connected to divinity or to ‘all that is’.
A short guide for beginners:
Tantric sex involves bringing attention to all the subtleties of sex – body, heart and mind. It offers the deep sensual pleasure of skin on skin in a long slow gentle stroke, to the swelling of hearts drenched in love through intimate connection, to the diamond-like clarity of mind that comes with being exquisitely present in the moment.
Sometimes during tantric sex, you're barely moving. Other times you’ll experience the excitement of nearing peak experiences, to then relax back, only to ‘ride the wave’ again and again. Playing with time and energy in this way, you can make love for hours. And the enjoyment can just keep building.
Go slow
Start by sitting across from one another and gazing softly into each other’s eyes for as long as possible. Let the intensity build.
Begin with long slow embraces and gentle caresses. This allows you to get present in your body. Shift your focus to your partner for 50% of the time and then back to you and your experience.
Notice the movement of energy, like electricity, between your bodies.
Let go of the goal
Redefine sex by setting an intention to experience more intimacy and connection, and to explore playful possibility versus racing to orgasm. When you let go of the goal there is infinite room for discovery.
Tell your partner what you like and encourage more of what feels good by naming what you’re enjoying. Have your partner do the same.
Engage all of your senses.
Experiencing sex through all of your senses moves you from your mind into your body. And it’s here in your body where you are able to experience sensual pleasure.
Light candles or wear your favourite perfume, play beautiful, sensual music, wrap yourself in silks or soft lingerie, savour the taste of your partner’s kisses, play with new patterns and pressure of touch.
Let it be about discovery.
Breath
Synchronize your breath by inhaling and exhaling together, or inhaling as your partner exhales. As your nervous systems attune to one another, you’ll experience a heightened sense of cohesion and togetherness.
Know one another. Know yourself.
Allow yourself (and your partner) to experience a full range of emotions. Welcome whatever experience you have and know that if you feel sadness, hurt, anger, shame or embarrassment come up that it has arisen for it to be released.
It may seem strange to experience these emotions in lovemaking, however it’s the full allowing and acceptance of ‘what is’ that will free you from that which holds you back from feeling full pleasure.
Eventually as your mind, heart and body clear stuckness from the past, you’ll be able to fully tap into your sexual energy and its power.
I practiced tantra for many years solo. And whilst there are some sacred sex practices that I do together with my partner, I continue my solo journey.
Because you never can know yourself – or the universe – deeply enough.