Relationships, my own included, are a thing that is constantly shifting, changing and evolving. And that I learn to navigate day-by-day and year-by-year by being in it fully and with as much eyes-wide-open awareness as possible.

I continually hone the skills and tools I’ve learned over the past decade and share with my clients in my own relationship.

And this week what’s come into clearer focus are the 3 things that make love raw and real and intimacy sacred and sexy – over time.

Celebrate what is

Make a conscious decision to turn toward your partner again and again. And to see in them the qualities that they have that you love. It’s a choice to recognise and remember what you love about them – and to do this over and over again over time.

This commitment to seeing the good in one another is what makes love sacred – and helps to keep passion alive.

Let go of what isn’t

No one person can meet all of your needs all of the time, no matter how incredible they are. Be grateful for the moments when your partner can meet you and hold you and support you as best they can. And accept what isn’t there as it likely never will be. Know that real, raw love is imperfectly human. And it’s ok to ‘grieve what isn’t’, as therapist Terry Real teaches.

And work on the rest

Growth-based relationships where you come together to learn and evolve will serve up it’s fair share of challenge. Develop the awareness, skills and tools that will help you to move through the tough stuff together. By being with what feels most tender and vulnerable with emotional maturity and self-responsibility, you develop the safety and trust that is foundational to healthy intimate relationships.