When it comes to romantic relationships, whether you’re single or with a partner, the excitement of a new year often leads to dreaming big.
Yet, setting unrealistic expectations can sow the seeds of disappointment and strain.
For singles, this might mean feeling the pressure to find "the one," while couples may grapple with the weight of monumental relationship feats such as moving in together after the ‘right’ amount of time or ‘fixing’ from one day to the next a completely non-existent, unsatisfying sex life.
As we step towards 2024, I invite you to break free from the cycle of setting unrealistic resolutions for what you want from love, relationships and intimacy.
Optimise vs Abandon Past Relationship Goals
Rather than dismissing past relationship objectives, whether within a partnership or whilst living life solo, consider the power of optimization.
Build from where you are at. As you review and revise past relationship goals and desires consider:
What do you continue to value and look for in another and in a relationship?
Does this need updating or tweaking? Expanding upon or trimming back?
Or does it in fact require a full revamp?
If you feel like you might be completely missing the mark when it comes to expectations of what a healthy relationship and sexual wellness within it looks like, then it might be time for you to get some support.
Connect with me and I’ll share how private coaching with me can help.
Prioritise small, meaningful changes vs Huge leaps
Prioritise small, meaningful changes, creating a pathway for big leaps to happen in sustainable and safe ways.
Remember, lots of little steps create the pathway to something much bigger.
When I was single, it looked like this for me:
Big goal – meet ‘my person’ and know they were ‘exactly right’ on the first date
The shift to small – I began to celebrate positive dating experiences – even if the person was clearly not going to be my ‘forever’ person
What changed
I experienced dating as less stress-inducing and heavy.
Dating became the playing field where I tried things on, different ways of being ‘feminine’, perfecting the art of ‘receiving’.
I learned to stay more in the present and enjoy the good stuff.
I let go of anxiety-inducing ‘future think‘ such as skipping ahead to ‘wedding bells’ moments.
COUPLES: here’s an example from my current relationship with Naz
Big goal – moving in together and buying a house
The shift to small – prioritise open communication on our future goals together, own what I want and share my why, get clear on my boundaries
What changed
Pressure to have it all ‘done’ before we were both ready was alleviated
There is more space and time to work on the underlying issues within us and in our relationship
Reassurance that we’re both committed to the same thing – even if how we get there looks different, making our connection stronger
Define mini-milestones and celebrate them XXL vs Never feeling like it’s enough
Set mini-milestones – and celebrate yourself over and over and over again. Make pleasure your best friend.
Daily pleasure/appreciation practice – celebrate one small way on how you showed up for yourself / your relationship (eg. I celebrate that I took 2 mins extra for my morning coffee and ‘me time’, that I told my partner I loved them even though they drove me crazy today, etc). Take pleasure in your bite-sized greatness.
Weekly wins – at the beginning of the week set an ‘intention’ on how you’ll live it (eg. This week I’ll practise self-compassion and give myself a break if / when I trip up)
At the end of that week review/list the ways that you stayed the path.
Flip any of the times you dropped off into an opportunity to learn (eg. I got super frustrated when I stayed way too long at work leaving no time for dating. Wow I’m good at focusing (celebrate this super-power!!). What if I committed time / focus to my love life as much as I do to work. What might become possible? How can I do that next week?)
When we stay connected to our incredibleness, it makes it easier for others to see it too – and love us for it!
In summary
✨ Small changes compound over time, acting as a foundation and catalyst for you to reach your more ambitious goals.
✨ Whilst the grand gestures look and feel good, it’s actually the consistency of small efforts that makes for lasting and sustainable change.
✨ Think small to love big.
Sometimes even the small stuff feels big. That’s when it’s good to get some support.
If you'd prefer to work with me privately, let’s connect on a 30-minute consultation call and feel it out with no strings attached.