My inner critic is vicious, she says.
And I know where it comes from.
The 50-something, strikingly beautiful woman sitting across the screen from me briefly describes to me a childhood full of neglect and abuse.
And she knows that this has something to do with the latest painful breakup she’s experiencing as her past spills into the present.
This latest breakup is a shock to her system.
And, I think to myself, a wake-up call to her soul.
Something needs to change.
She knows this.
I know this.
But what?
The woman I am speaking with is gorgeous…and incredibly successful. She describes to me with ease and grace the multiple homes she has dotted across the globe. And the incredible effort it took for her to reach a level of material success most only dream of.
She recognises that she’s done all of this against incredible odds – as a woman from an underprivileged family where she felt no support at all.
Now, it seems, her next greatest area for growth and expansion is in the realm of love.
And that inner critic, that relentless voice of self-loathing and hate isn’t really helping her.
Or is it?
Why is it there?, she asks me imploringly and frustrated both.
And why can’t I stop it?
The heartbreak is bad enough. But I’m just being brutal to myself.
Yes, I want to move on from this past relationship, but mostly…
I just want to feel a sense of peace inside of me.
She’s in deep pain and I can feel the weight of the sadness that she carries. Zoom does nothing to separate me from what my clients are experiencing.
Distance it seems, like time, is a construct.
I share that in my experience, that critic has some important information it wants us to know. There’s something it desperately wants us to be aware of.
Often it’s trying to protect us from getting hurt again. It’s just hasn’t got the greatest way of communicating that.
Right! She exclaims. An ah-ha moment.
That makes sense.
I can see that this simple reframe has already lifted some of the weight she’s carrying.
Just…how do I get it to stop?
I explain to her that it’s my job as coach to guide her through the how’s. To teach her the skills and tools she can use to navigate this inner landscape and shift that voice to a more compassionate and nurturing one.
And that again, in my experience person and professional, this is the route not only to new love…but also the way towards inner peace.
Life – and love – will still throw up challenges, but how we are with them changes forever.
It is one of the greatest joys in my life to help others shift to more fulfilment and ease in relationships and intimacy – and in life.
Connect with me if you too would welcome in some guidance on whatever love and life is throwing your way. And I’ll share with you how coaching with me can help.