If you’re feeling out of practice when it comes to the art of intimacy, know that you are not alone.
I work with many women and men both who have spent much of their adult lives single, and / or have had long stretches of voluntary abstinence from sex. These gorgeous, sexy people often feel that they don't have enough experience to ‘perform’ in a way that they felt their potential mate might expect from someone their age.
If this was not the case for you before the pandemic, it may be so now post 18 months more or less of restrictions from intimate connection due to Covid. I was recently asked by the Metro to comment on this.
So here are some ways that you can feel more confident in the bedroom whether you’ve had loads of experience (and now feel ‘out of shape’) or none at all.
Experience doesn't really matter
How two people are intimate with each other is unique and the way your needs, wants and desires are met translates into a unique intimate experience.
Considering this, you will never recreate the same experience you’ve had with one person, with someone else.
What's important is for you and your partner to build your own relationship of trust and intimacy based on your mutual connection.
How you love is what makes you unique
Expression of love and intimacy is a beautiful thing and the qualities that make you unique - maybe even the things that you see as weaknesses - are what draw people to you. Give space to the evolving trust and recognise the strength that lies in your own qualities.
Allow for the unknown
It's normal to be fearful of what might - or might not happen. But you should also allow for and embrace the unknown because that's the space where excitement and anticipation and desire flourish.
Let the cat out of the bag
If you feel awkward or hesitant about being intimate with someone again after a long time, it can actually bring you closer if you share what you are feeling. It’s highly likely that the other person shares your sentiment. Or is experiencing some hesitation and uncertainty.
If you are courageous enough to name your experience, even if it feels vulnerable and scary, then know that this often builds trust, safety and connection. Key elements to having better sex. Especially if what you want is an experience that is connected and pleasure-filled.
Rediscover your own intimacy
It's important that you connect and reconnect intimately with your own body to understand what you need or want, and the physical responses that such intimacy triggers.
This helps to encourage confidence and makes the invitation to someone to share that space with you much easier
Take all the time you need
Most people who have not had an intimate relationship for some time lack confidence. It's okay to take things slowly. Begin with simple touches and gestures that allow you to learn about each other's responses and don't create pressure to 'perform'.
Remember, you're not alone
If you would like support in building confidence in the bedroom and / or would like to expand your experience of pleasure, do get in touch and book in a discovery call. I support men and women both in this in both one-to-one coaching as well as through powerful group work.
You are not alone.