I still experience MASSIVE resistance (it felt like climbing a small mountain to write this post, for example) around doing a thing I love and…well…that sometimes I find challenging.
This used to be dating. No matter how much I wanted to meet my person, no matter how much I craved partnership, no matter how much I felt the aloneness as an ache deep in my bones, I’d put off dating for months and months.
Reasons for doing this were many. Maybe you relate:
I’d been on more horrifyingly bad dates than I’d care to count on fingers and toes for too many years
I’d read enough meh online dating profiles to fill an entire encyclopaedia from A-Z
And I struggled to find the fun in any of it…ever!
Yet I knew I had to be ‘out there’ in order for someone to meet me. So how’d I do it?
Here are 5 ways to move beyond massive resistance so that you can do what it takes to have what you want:
Flirt super small
For those of you who prefer to work it IRL, starting small, especially when it comes to flirting is key.
You want to warm yourself up slowly to a gentle joy-filled tease with desirable others to open up a connection.
Smile slyly at your cat, spread the love to the granny who lives next door, and expand playful, gentle banter out from there…the barista at the café, the person in front of you at the supermarket, the hottie you’ve been mooning over at your co-working space.
Treat it all as practice. An experiment. And expect nothing in return. Notice what comes.
Read more on flirting in this post from my archives on ‘How to flirt when you really don’t want to.’
stay in and Do the deeper work
Don’t feel like playing the field quite yet? But want to know that you’re doing something to move this train forward?
Turn your focus inwards and reconnect with what you really, truly want in a relationship. Increase your awareness on what might be holding you back. And begin to dismantle the blockers through simple, doable practices.
Here’s a free eJournal I created to help you get clear on all of the above and get you moving forward.
Be easy on yourself
If finding and keeping love were so easy, everyone would have picture perfect relationships that lasted exactly long enough. And sometimes forever.
Dating would be fun and exciting, inspired and adventure filled.
The truth is, relationships are complex. Intimate ones especially so. And despite Insta images and the fiction of classic Hollywood films, all of us struggle in relationships, love and sex at one time or another.
You’re doing the work to make it all easier. Well done. Easier it will get.
Get a little help from a friend
This letter to you would not have gone out were it not for the encouragement of a very kind and supportive friend.
Keep the good ones who know how to listen without judgement or trying to fix by your side. They’ll be there to support you in pre and post date moments which are often wrought with so much tender and turbulent emotion.
ask a pro
Dating isn’t for the fainthearted. So if you feel that some support might serve you well from someone who’s studied – and practiced – this stuff for over a decade, contact me and we’ll talk about it.
It took me years to understand what was holding me back from finding my person. Let me save you time and get you there faster. I’ll teach you everything I learned.