At the time of writing, we’re transition very slowly from winter to spring, here in the northern hemisphere, I’ve been sitting a lot with what makes for a ‘smooth’ Transition in life and love.
And because much of the work that I do as a coach involves guiding people through transition
-from a lifetime single to being in an intimate relationship,
-from the pain of a breakup to stability and strength as single person,
-from one career ending to another beginning
-shifting into entrepreneurship after years of corporate life
And I’ve come to the conclusion that Transitions, which often involve massive change, are by their very nature unsettling.
And therefore can never be truly ‘smooth’.
Because we need things to come apart in order for something new to emerge.
And that coming apart will inevitably feel messy, destabilising, challenging, unpredictable.
As much as it does exciting, expansive and joyful.
When the change is welcome.
(And eventually over time, even if it was not).
So if we let go of the expectation of the ‘smooth’ transition and recognise that navigating change well includes all of the ups and downs and sideways feelings of it
Then we can come through it all with more peace in our hearts
And welcome in what is coming towards us with more ease and more quickly than we would otherwise.
3 ways to navigate transitions with greater ease:
Clearly mark an ending
Accept the messy middle
Vision forward
Clearly mark an ending
When we clearly mark an ending, we pass through the messy middle (see below), more quickly and with greater ease.
How to mark an ending:
Recognise wisdom gained and release what wants to be left behind
Recognise wisdom gained – Consider the experience you’ve just had. It could have been a marriage of 20 years. Or a career you began early in life.
Journal or sit with the following:
-what did you learn from the experiences you had?
-what gems of wisdom gleaned will you take forward?
-what wants to be left behind?
-what are you grateful for as you consider the above?
Release what wants to be left behind. You can do this by
- writing regrets or resentments on pieces of paper then feed them to the fire as you let them go
-dance / shake / move your body to release any tightness or stickiness that your body is carrying
All of this creates space for what’s new to come forward.
Acceptance and the messy middle
This phase can feel like the most difficult to navigate. It’s the liminal space, that in-between point where uncertainty lies. You’ve left one known but now outdated shore and are adrift somewhere in the middle, not yet sure of where we’re headed…or how far away the new shores lie.
How to navigate the messy middle:
Continue to acknowledge and process feelings, emotions and memories that arises from the past…but don’t get stuck there
It can take time for our bodies to unravel from years of patterns and rhythmns established over time. And for our hearts and minds to fully settle.
Practices to help you through:
1 Acceptance: Know that this is a normal phase of any Transition; that change takes the time it takes. And that whilst you’ll soon be in a ‘new normal’, that an unravelling must happen.
I choose to accept the decisions of the past as the best possible ones for where I was and what I knew at that time.
I choose to accept that change takes the time it takes.
I choose to accept the wisdom of my body and my soul.
2 Revisit the release practices that you did to clear your body and your energetic field. And to reinforce the markings of your ending.
3 Let go of the doing or pushing.
Sometimes moving forward is done most quickly by doing nothing at all.
Clarity + Vision forward
How do you want to live this next phase of your life? Your next relationship? Your work, career and purpose?
You’ve got perspective and experience to draw from thanks to your past. And clarity from the processing and space-creating you’ve done.
Remember though, that Visioning is a time for dreaming, because dreaming is powerful. A time to step beyond the constraints of conventional thinking. A time to create a reality that is yours alone to live. A place that is exciting to step forward into.
This does not mean that challenges will not come. They will at this new level of being that you’re visioning.
When you give yourself time and permission to Vision, and to create space for the unexpected, new worlds unfold.
Practice: Vision a new reality – feel and experience it through your 5 senses
Get comfortable, and grab your journal and a pen. Write whatever comes to mind after reading the following prompts:
I desire a relationship / a career / life that...
Dream wide. Let yourself go. What is right size, shape, experience for you?
Consider your 5 senses:
Who/ what do you see around you in this new reality?
What do you hear in this space / place?
What do you taste?
What do you smell?
What do you feel on your skin. Or what emotions do you feel inside of you?
When I work with people on this, I get them to create a recording of their statement and listen to it again and again.
Repetition helps to embed this vision deep within us.
So that we begin to make decisions and live this vision to its fullest.
Let’s work together to get you through whatever it is that is ending for you and to a new beginning with more peace – experience coaching with me.
This post was inspired by the Modern Elder Academy’s ebook, Anatomy of a Transition. I highly recommend checking them out for more on transitioning well in mid-life.