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Join me as I explore the importance of boundaries in relationships and how they contribute to better sex, intimacy, and overall connection.
In this episode, I define boundaries as guidelines that help others understand how to interact with us, emphasizing that honoring our own needs is a sign of self-respect.
The fears and vulnerabilities associated with asserting boundaries are also explored, noting that well-practiced boundaries foster trust and deeper connections.
The episode continues with a guided meditation to help listeners feel and practice both internal and external boundaries, promoting self-care, self-respect, and healthier relationships.
During the practice, our listeners are guided to imagine a semi-permeable, golden shell surrounding them, symbolizing their boundaries.
This shell allows them to control what emotions or energies enter their space while also containing their own strong emotions until they are ready to process them.
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Meet your host:
Andrea Balboni
Andrea is a certified Sex, Love and Relationships Coach at Lush Coaching.
Her mission is to help people experience as much pleasure and fulfillment in their personal intimate lives as they desire.
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Practice: Boundaries and Intimacy - Deepening Connection and Protecting Your Heart
Andrea: [00:00:00] Hello and welcome to Lush Love, the podcast. I'm your host, Andrea Balboni. Through conversations with special guests, we'll navigate the intensity of intimacy, the highs and lows of relationships, and the beauty and complexity of the erotic, desire and pleasure.
I'll guide you through embodiment practices and meditations in special episodes that will bring to life and make real what you learn from conversations with thought leaders, teachers, and guide of all kinds. My goal is to support you, to experience intimate relationships and the way that you desire, so that you feel nourished by deep, meaningful connection, by passion and pleasure.
I'm so glad [00:01:00] you're here with me on this journey. And if you are to rate and review this episode, if you feel the same.
Boundaries are guidelines that help other people know how to behave towards us, and they are essential for healthy relationships. When you feel confident about your boundaries, what works for you and what doesn't, and you're able to let others know, you feel more confident in yourself by honoring your own needs. You're really honoring yourself.
Sometimes, we are afraid to assert our boundaries, because we fear that if we say no to someone, that we’ll hurt them or we’ll make them angry. And when that happens, that we’ll lose our connection to them.
Other times, we find it difficult to say yes. To let someone in a bit closer or to receive something that's being given to us. It can feel vulnerable to say yes and to let [00:02:00] someone in. And so we default to a no thanks. Even if we could really use the help on offer, or might be curious about spending a little bit more time with that person.
Sometimes we worry that if we say yes to a small thing, it means that we're saying yes to everything, and we're afraid that the other person might interpret our yes as such.
We might not be ready for that much closeness or connection, but instead, when you practice boundaries, well, you feel both connection and protection at the same time, and you'll be able to regulate how much of each connection and closeness or protection and distance you want at any one time.
Other people will also trust you more, because they'll be sure that your no is truly a no. When you voice it confidently and that your yes is really a yes when you say so. Put simply, [00:03:00] boundaries show others how to honor and respect you. And healthy boundaries are foundational to creating healthy relationships.
In this practice, you'll learn about two main types of boundaries – internal boundaries and external boundaries. Internal boundaries are lesser known, and they are the limits that we set to protect others from us.
For example, if you were feeling super angry, an internal boundary might be taking some time to calm down and process your anger before speaking to someone, that internal boundary keeps that anger in ensuring that you don't lash out at someone in a way that hurts them and ultimately pushes them away and keeps you from connecting.
Sometimes, an internal boundary will contain or hold in deep sadness or strong heaviness and feeling that we have when we're feeling down, so that we [00:04:00] don't pass this on to others as well.
Strong internal boundaries involve taking responsibility for your own feelings, and choosing healthy ways to process through them and express them, so that when you do share how you're feeling about someone with someone else, you can do so from a place of calm and be more easily heard.
Internal boundaries are also about recognizing that you are not responsible for other people's problems or feelings. Some people lack good internal boundaries and overshare or rage at you or other people. If this happens, then know that your external boundaries are here to protect you from this.
External boundaries are the limits we set to protect ourselves from the potentially harmful behavior of others. When you practice strong external boundaries, you do not allow the negativity of others to penetrate your personal space.
When someone is being critical or [00:05:00] hurtful, for example, you don't have to take those words in as truth. You may want to consider whether the criticism holds any weight, and you'll do this more if you really care about the person who is sharing.
However, you don't have to take their words as the ultimate truth. Get feedback from trusted friends or family. Be discerning about what you ultimately choose to keep. What is helpful? What might have some truth in it? Take it on board and whatever does not feel like the truth and is simply a projection, perhaps of the other person. Discard.
This simple meditation practice that you're about to do will help you to imagine and feel into the boundaries that exists between you and the world. Both the internal boundary that serves as containment, and the external boundary that serves as protection, so that you become masterful at practicing both containment and [00:06:00] protection.
And by doing so, you'll be able to move more easily in the world, connecting with others in ways that feel safe and good, and build a healthy relationship on a strong foundation of solid boundaries.
This simple meditation practice will help you to feel into the boundary that exists between you and the world through your body. Let's begin.
You're going to start by finding a comfortable position for meditation, and this could be seated, which helps with focus and awareness. Or it could also be lying down.
And you're going to begin by imagining a glistening golden, [00:07:00] egg shaped semi-permeable shell. Appearing around you. And this golden shell is about one meters length or an arm's length from your body, and it surrounds all of you in the sphere of golden, glistening protection.
Noticing that it's semi-permeable and so it lets in from the outside world. That which you decide to let in. So only the energy or the words [00:08:00] or the emotions of others, or whatever you experience in the world gets to be decided upon.
If you want to let it in, you can let it into the space closer to you. And if you want to keep it out, you can imagine that it pings off the surface of this golden sphere of this golden shell, protecting you. So that whatever isn't yours, whatever does not belong to you, whatever is actually something that someone else is throwing at you that you want to keep out. You can.
And noticing [00:09:00] that this shell, the sphere surrounding you, glistening and sparkling, also acts as a container for your own strong emotions like sadness and grief or anger and frustration. And it holds these feelings, these emotions within you. Until you're able to process them, when it's safe to do so away from others.
So anything that is yours to process, anything that is yours to be worked through, and that others may not be capable of holding or experiencing in that moment, is contained within this shell. [00:10:00] This is the internal boundary. And noticing the strength and power of this shell to be able to contain or deflect whatever is appropriate at any given moment.
You are going to check the shell, so just doing a check in your mind's eye for any rips or tears, any places where things can enter or exit without you being aware. [00:11:00] And again, in your mind's eye, you can imagine mending those places. Now. So that this glistening golden egg is airtight.
Setting boundaries is a practice of self-care and self-respect, and it also is an act of caring for and respecting the others. Learning to identify and communicate your boundaries effectively.
Take some time and practice, but understanding the difference between internal and external boundaries, and by choosing to communicate assertively, [00:12:00] you'll be able to cultivate healthier, more fulfilling relationships and live a life more authentic in love. This practice is now complete.
If you struggle with boundaries and would like some help defining them, asserting them, maintaining them, respecting them, then be in touch. I would love to hear from you and share with you how coaching with me will help you with that. Thank you.
Thank you for listening. [00:13:00] Share this podcast with anyone you feel would benefit from its message. If you love what you heard, rate and review us wherever you listen.
And if you feel that you could use some support, connect with me, Andrea Balboni, through my website, lushcoaching.com. That's L U S H C O A C H I N G dot com. Special thanks to Nicholas Singer for the musical score, and Dion Knight for editing and production. [00:13:43]