Like love that endures the test of time
And sex that remains powerful, potent, exciting and on fire long after the initial sparks and chemical cocktail in your body have subsided
Intimacy, that which brings us close and gives us the experience of being accepted for exactly who we are must also be cultivated.
And often created.
Actively.
Sitting around and waiting for love to come knocking on my door didn’t really work for me. Neither did obsessive action like serial dating or hours of swiping.
All of that outward focus didn’t do sh*t all.
Inner work did.
So I am going to share with you now the top 3 ways on how to create more intimacy in your life.
Yep, you guessed it – it starts by looking inwards.
Intimacy key 1: Truth-telling
What stories are you telling yourself? What narratives might your clever mind be weaving?
Might they sound like, ‘I don’t really have time right now for a relationship – work is really full on and anyway I have great friends.’ or ’I’m just not the kind of person that people are attracted to’.
Face your truth, however painful and scary so you can begin to own what you want.
Start by getting really radically truthful with yourself. Own your desires and what you really want in love – and in life, no matter how out of reach they feel.
It might sound like, ‘I really do want a relationship. And I’m going to carve out space for it. Though work is demanding and I care about my career, what matters most to me right now is doing what it takes for love to enter my life.’
Allow yourself to feel the pain of not having those things (you only get a few mins for this, it doesn’t help to get stuck here). It’s palpable.
Love yourself for the wanting.
Then, shift into knowing that you are doing what it takes to get there.
And know that you will if you focus on it.
Whatever we give time and energy to eventually comes to us.
Intimacy key 2 : Eye-gazing
Eye-gazing is simply staring into someone’s eyes for 2-10 minutes. No talking. Just holding a soft focused gaze.
What? Don’t I need someone else’s eyes to gaze into for this one?
Nope.
Got a mirror?
Looking into your own eyes is incredibly potent. It may feel silly at first, but if you stick with it, oh the things you’ll ‘see’ about yourself.
Let me know how this one goes. I’d love to hear.
Intimacy key 3 : Pleasure map
Through touch. For this one, you just need a bit of creativity and some time alone to experiment with the type of touch that you most enjoy.
And where.
Knowing your own body, what turns you on – and off – is key to experiencing the levels of pleasure that are available to you. And the closeness that this brings first to yourself as you drop deeply into your body. And build connection with it. And trust in your own pleasure and ability to access and experience it on very deep levels.
Then once you’ve understood your own pleasure map – charting where on your body you experience the most pleasure – you can invite in another to share in the experience.
One of the prevailing myths of our time is that lovers are supposed to ‘just know’ how you like to be touched. Not many of us are mind-readers so I’m not sure how this one has lasted as long as it has.
Asking for what you want allows you to receive the pleasure you want. And makes the job of the giver satisfying and rewarding as they support you in your pleasure.
And this beautiful, informed dance of giving and receiving pleasure brings 2 humans ever so close.
Start with you.
And where you are at.
Go easy with yourself.
Let this be the evolution that it is meant to be.
And enjoy the journey.