This is the first of a series of posts where I share with you my step-by-step method to help you actively create exactly what you want in the next decade of your life. Yes, the power is in your hands.
Let’s get right to the heart of it – the key to creating what you want in your life, according to neuroscientists + mystics alike, is to feel in your body – physically as well as emotionally and at the level of the mind – what it will be like to experience the thing that you want in your life now.
Here’s how you can do that.
Step 1 : Write it out
You can begin this as a writing exercise. You’ll be working with your cognitive mind as you do this. The part of your brain that reasons and analyses things. Your mind, so to speak.
And then we’ll take it into your body where the deeper ‘work’ happens (that’s in Step 2). This deeper work is what takes this from a writing exercise which happens on a cognitive level to the deeper parts of your mind, the subconscious, where the actual change will begin to happen.
Our subconscious mind dictates 90% of what we do each day – the choices we make that set us up for creating healthy relationship and thriving. Or for avoiding what’s actually good for us or worse yet, missing it when it’s standing right in front of us.
Consider the following as you write:
Physical reality (3Ds)
I desire a relationship that…
Consider they type of person you’d like to be with and the relationship you’d like to have them, from the core values that you share such as trust and honesty, to the things you’ll do together like travelling or cooking.
Emotional Reality (4th D)
I’ll feel…
Consider how you’ll feel when you have this person in your life.
What emotions you’ll most experience
What more this person will bring to your life
What you’ll experience differently
Embodied Reality (5th D)
I see / hear / taste / smell / touch or feel…
Consider what will you experience through your 5 senses as you realise the thing you desire.
Note: When I take my clients through this process they often describe things like the taste of their lover as they kiss them, or the perfume that they are wearing.
Tip: Write it out by hand. Studies have shown it sticks better when you take pen to paper.
Step 2: Re-programme mind + body
Now that your cognitive mind is onboard with the love and relationship that you’re going to create, let’s get your subconscious mind lined up too.
Record what you have written and listen to it daily first thing in the morning when you’re in that ‘almost awake’ state. Or as the last thing you listen to right before you drop off to sleep.
When you’re in this drowsy, super-relaxed state, but not yet asleep, your brain waves are flowing at a frequency called ‘theta’. It’s when you have maximum access to your subconscious even though you are in a semi-conscious state. Now’s the time when you want to re-programme.
Tip: Super power your recording by adding theta wave music to bring you deeper. This will help bring you into a more relaxed focused state which allows your words to sink deeper into your mind to the level of the subconscious.
Your subconscious mind will now begin to work 24/7 with its new programming secured in. It will select instances and influence choices that you make in your everyday life that will support you in creating a new kind of relationship – the one that you know you really want.
Pretty neat, huh? Yeah, I think so too.
This is what places my coaching practice on the cutting edge – and makes it so effective so fast. This body-based approach incorporates all parts of you on the deepest levels. And sets you up for a new experience of relationships and love. Schedule in a free call with me to speak with me about how you can speed up finding your person through this unique form of coaching.)
Step 3: And repeat. And repeat. And repeat…
You’ll want to listen to your new relationship reality over and over again. I’d recommend 30 to 60 to 90 days. Why?
The programming that you have in you now was formed over a number of years mostly in your early childhood. We got repeated messaging around how we weren’t doing enough or being enough in one way or another and lots of other not so helpful signaling that the relationship and love that we want is attainable by just being ourselves. If you hadn’t you’d have what you want and would not be reading this.
To create a new pathway in your brain that puts you on the route of autopilot (subconscious programming), ‘I deserve what I want in love and am worthy of it and every decision that I make and everything I do is a move in this direction’, will take some time to form.
So wax on, wax off it is. (Karate Kid reference unavoidable)
What’s next?
Note: As you begin to reprogramme, you may notice fear and doubt (aka resistance) show up.
Resistance can look like that critical voice in your head that tells you you can’t do it, like a heaviness or tiredness suddenly coming on when you’re set to listen to your recording. Or even sit down at all to begin the process.
I teach you how to slay the dragon of resistance in Create Love - Part 2 here.
For now, focus on what you want to create – in 5 dimensions.
Ah, and a note on contentment and being ok with what you already have….
Most of us understand by now how important gratitude is to happiness.
And so I bet you are grateful for what you’ve already experienced in life – the people you’ve got around you, the incredible challenges you’ve overcome and the resulting breakthrough moments, the softness, the warmth and luxuriousness of simple moments.
And yet you desire more.
More adventures. More exploration. More growth.
But especially more love.
We’re often told that this desire for ‘more’ is a bad thing. We should be content with what we’ve got and where we are at. And if you’re single and pretty happy with your life, you may sometimes ask yourself…but isn’t life pretty good as is? Maybe I don’t need a partner, you might think to yourself.
And yet we’re here on the planet to experience life and to explore.
It’s our very nature as humans to want to expand out into as many shapes and forms as we can imagine as we get to know ourselves.
So whilst it’s important to allow for sense of contentment and completion in where you are at now, it’s also only natural that you continue to desire more.
Especially when that ‘more’ feels in alignment with you expanding as a person – expanding heart, mind and soul.
And relationship is arguably the single best way to continue to challenge yourself, to grow and to expand – certainly in ways that other relationships or your career do not allow for.
And so I ask you, what will expansion look like to you specifically as it relates to partnership and your intimate life?