Journaling is a great way to work through the tough stuff and really know yourself.
And really knowing yourself (and loving yourself for being YOU), is what actually builds your confidence from the inside out so that when you are on dates or in a relationship you feel grounded and confident no matter what happens.
Knowing and loving the parts of you that you’ve pushed into the shadows, the parts of you that you’ve been ashamed of, that you’ve feared being, the parts that feel like they are not worthy of love is especially powerful.
Acknowledging and accepting these parts of you allows you to stand in your full power. To show up as your fullest self.
And to open your heart and mind fully to another person – feel safe in doing so. There’s nothing to hide.
So if you want a deep, connected relationship, let’s get you started writing.
What you need
A journal or notebook. It doesn’t have to be fancy.
Your favourite pen / pencil.
A daily practice of writing. This can be anywhere from a few minutes of free form writing (whatever comes to mind). Or a more structured practice like the one I share below.
Get started - Journaling the Shadow
Shadow work (getting to know the parts of ourselves that we tend to push back into the shadows of our mind and hearts) is a fantastic way to create more compassion for ourselves. Here’s a way into shadow work through journaling.
Step 1: Write down 3 things you'd hate to be accused of
For example, many men are afraid of being accused of being selfish, mean, a bully, weak, or a pushover.
Step 2: Write down a time when you actually were this way and what resulted from it.
I was very selfish in my last relationship and it made me feel alone. My partner eventually left me.
Step 3: And another time when it served you
I was selfish when I decided to stay home from a family gathering because it would have been too stressful. I'm glad I stayed home because it was what I really needed.
Step 4: Own this part of you fully
Say out loud – I am a selfish man. Feel it in your body. Know that it's only a part of you – a part that sometimes serves you. And so it is welcome and necessary – when the time is right.
Still not convinced? Hear me out.
I remember when I first met Naz.
I was late for our first date – a picnic in the park.
It was a bright sunny day outside and we sat for hours chatting and munching on small bites as the clouds shifted quickly across the deep blue sky.
Naz shared with me not only the good parts of his life – where he’s travelled to, the friends he has – but also the challenging stuff. The things that hurt and were hard.
We went deep.
It was only afterwards that Naz told me that he doesn’t normally share the tough stuff with people he’s just met.
Or with anyone for that matter.
When you accept all parts of you, exactly as you are, that’s when the magic happens.
Naz felt confident enough in himself that day to open up and reveal parts of him and his life that showed me the man he was.
The guy I fell in love with.
Was he perfectly 100% confident in all ways? Nope.
Was it enough?
Yep.
It was.
